


Never Look at a Gift Horse When He's Carrying a Giant Dildo

by Claire



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: F/M, M/M, Pre-McShep, Shape-changing dildos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-05-03
Updated: 2006-05-03
Packaged: 2019-01-17 01:12:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12354327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Claire/pseuds/Claire
Summary: Rodney gets a gift on one of the planets the team goes to





	Never Look at a Gift Horse When He's Carrying a Giant Dildo

"Thank you, Doctor McKay," Prime Minister Parien bowed slightly. "Please accept a token of our gratitude."

Rodney looked at Parien, grateful that his time on the planet seemed to have completely immunised him against the native predilection for wearing very little clothing. "If you insist." _Please be a ZPM. Please be a ZPM._ Even if it was an unlikely gift from a society that emphasised the sensual parts of their lives over everything else.

Parien's cheeks reddened as he called forward one of his attendants, the other man holding a cloth-covered bundle. "We understand that no mere token could ever convey our true thanks for the repair of our shield, but I hope this will go some way towards it."

 _Nuts._ Rodney forced a smile to his face as he took the too-small item. Not a ZPM, then. However, Marta _was_ one of the more technologically advanced worlds they'd come across, so even if it wasn't a ZPM, it could still be something interesting. Rodney's smile brightened as he unwrapped the fabric to reveal a smooth cylindrical object. "Er, thanks," he said, ignoring the look Colonel Sheppard threw at him. _Play nice, Rodney._ He could hear the words in his head even if Sheppard had never opened his mouth.

Parien smiled and took a step towards Rodney, closing the distance between them. "It is a pac'mah; a pleasure stick."

Rodney looked at Parien and then back down at the cylinder, absently noting how easy his fingers fit around it, almost as though-- "A dildo?! You're giving me a dildo?" Rodney wasn't sure whether to be grateful or embarrassed. On one hand, he could feel his cock start to twitch as the thought of sliding the smooth cylinder into his body. On the other hand, he'd have preferred if the gift hadn't been made in front of Sheppard, who seemed to be unable to control the grin on his face.

Behind him, he heard Ronon ask what a dildo was, causing Sheppard to start coughing.

"The pac'mah is the wonder of our scientists," Parien smiled. "All you need to do is press the activation key on the bottom, and it will shape itself into the sex of whoever you are touching at the time."

"You mean it'll--" Rodney's words trailed off as he stared at the pac'mah. "Oh, this I've got to try." He looked up, eyes instantly falling on Sheppard who took a step back and shook his head.

"McKay, don't you dare."

"I don't mind."

Two sets of eyes turned to look incredulously at Ronon.

Ronon shrugged. "It's not like people haven't seen it before."

Stepping forward before the offer was taken back, Rodney laid a hand on Ronon's arm and pressed the button on the base of the pac'mah. A soft blue glow surrounded the cylinder as it began to change, thickening and lengthening, moulding itself to a tube of flesh, cool and veined.

Rodney stared at the huge fake cock he was now holding. "Wow," he said, looking up at Ronon in awe. "I'm not surprised you don't say much, you don't need to."

Ronon plucked the lifelike dildo out of Rodney's hands, his fingers running over it like he already knew the shape. Although, Rodney supposed, he really should considering what it was meant to be a copy of. "Impressive," he said nodding.

"You can say that again," Sheppard muttered, staring at the apparent replica of Ronon's cock.

Teyla just smiled serenely as Rodney looked at her, a faint twinge of jealously running through him. No wonder she seemed that damn smug all the time - getting laid by monster dick over there was bound to add an air of superiority to anyone's life. He took the dildo back off Ronon, who had started to caress it with a disturbingly carefree expression on his face.

"This, we give you with gratitude, Doctor McKay." Parien bowed again.

"And I accept it," Rodney answered, "with gratitude." Gratitude, and the thought that he was locking himself in his quarters as soon as they got back to Atlantis and not leaving them for at least three hours. His dick twitched again and he studiously ignored the knowing gaze Sheppard was pinning him with.

Rodney smirked. His quarters, the mammoth fake Ronon cock and an order that he wasn't to be disturbed unless it was an emergency. All he needed to do was to swing by the infirmary and get Carson to hand over a large tube of the lubricant he kept locked in the special cupboard and Rodney was all set. He risked a glance at Sheppard, his trousers becoming even tighter at the faintly feral gleam in the colonel's eyes.

The smirk turned into a grin. Maybe he'd get two tubes of lube from Carson. After all, it paid to be prepared.


End file.
